


Fear Can Make You Compromise

by HaylesAtwellington



Category: Agent Carter (TV), Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Death, F/M, Steggy - Freeform, Wartime Violence, mentions of abuse, not even relatively close to cannon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-09
Updated: 2015-09-29
Packaged: 2018-04-19 23:33:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4765124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HaylesAtwellington/pseuds/HaylesAtwellington
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Title from Houdini by Foster the People</p><p>She smiled sadly and turned away, reaching for the doorknob. “I love you, too.”<br/>“Tell me what’s wrong.” he insisted as she opened the door a crack and peered out to check for passers-by.<br/>“I can’t--" she started, tone apologetic, “I—In light of the situation, I just wanted to--I’m afraid I haven’t been completely honest with you about my life before I joined in the effort.”<br/>Steve frowned in confusion. “Peggy, wait.”<br/>She held up a hand and he stopped. “I’m sorry, my darling, I have to get back.” she blinked back her tears and schooled her face. “We'll talk later, I promise. Head up, soldier. Give me a five count.”</p><p>Or--Peggy hasn't told Steve much of anything about her pre-war life and much revelation and adventure happens.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“What’s wrong, darling?”

Steve looked down at the beautiful vision curled into his side and smiled. “Just thinking.”

She traced her fingers across his bare chest and hummed. "What about?”

He shrugged and reached up to tuck a stray chocolate lock behind her ear. “You.”

She laughed raised a stern eyebrow, waiting for him to continue. 

“I want to draw you again--like this. I’ll call it ‘Peggy Carter: A study in women who will always come first.’”

Peggy snorted and slapped his arm, raising up on her elbows to look at him properly. “Cheeky sod.”

“I love you.”

She paused, her deep brown eyes searching his brilliant blue ones before dropping to her hands. “Steve--”

He held a finger to her lips and continued. “I’ve never met a woman like you. So brave and strong. So breathtakingly beautiful.”

Peggy huffed and tried to cut in again, but Steve would have none of that. He kissed her until they were both dizzy with want, her fingernails digging into his scalp.

“I love you, too.” she whispered as she pulled away. Steve whined and tried to pull her back down but she resisted. “I can’t, I have a briefing in ten minutes. You've distracted me long enough.”

He huffed, but nodded and helped her sit up. Peggy's cramped quarters were a disaster. 

Peggy groaned at the sight and began frantically hunting for items of clothing, tossing his in a pile on her cot and hers on a chair in the corner.

Steve dressed quickly and helped Peggy with her buttons as she pinned her curls back into place.

“How do I look?” she asked when they were finished, tugging at her jacket. He grinned smugly and she glared. “Never mind. I don’t want to hear it.”

“Lunch?” he asked quickly as she turned to check her appearance once more. 

Peggy smiled. “I’ll send a note.”

She kissed his cheek quickly before applying her lipstick and turning for the door.

“Do be careful out there today, Steven.”

Steve saluted her. “Yes, ma’am.”

xxx

Their lunch plans fell through as Peggy was whisked from meeting to meeting all morning and afternoon with barely a moment to send a hastily written apology note to Steve.

“Carter.” Phillips barked, “Quit daydreaming and get those codes going.”

She jumped at his voice, apologizing profusely and starting back in on the papers in front of her.

“As I was saying,” the colonel continued, “Once we have sufficient evidence against these traitors, we’ll take them down.”

Peggy tuned them out as she focused on the codes in front of her. 

“Sir,” she interrupted after a few more pages were completed, double checking her work again, “I think you should see this.”

Phillips growled, but Peggy was his best agent. She never failed him.

“Jesus H. Christ--” he swore, eyes widening, “Men, we’ve got a problem.”

xxx

The winding hallways of the bunker flew past her vision as Peggy ran to find Steve.

“Captain Rogers.” she all but shouted when she finally spotted him, “Colonel Phillips needs to see you.”

Steve looked up from his place in a line of men doing their daily push-ups and stood quickly to follow her.

“What’s going on?” he asked quietly, knowing from the panic in her eyes it was important.

“I can’t talk about it yet,” she replied apologetically, flushed and breathing heavily, “Phillips will need to see you at some point tonight or maybe tomorrow--soon, I’m sure.”

He raised an eyebrow at her. “Then why did you--”

Peggy stopped and turned to face him, tears welling in her eyes. “I don’t know, Steve, I just needed--”

He cut her off and pulled her into a nearby supply closet, immediately wrapping her in his warm embrace and hushing her as she broke down. His heart pounded loudly in his chest, something he’d never imagined he'd be able to feel a year ago. If Peggy Carter was worried...

“How can I help?” he asked quietly after her shoulders stopped shaking.

Peggy took a deep breath and wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand. “I don’t know.” she confessed, “I need to go.”

Steve released her and she flushed. “I’m so sorry, darling, I shouldn’t have--”

“Hey,” he scolded lightly, “I’m happy to hold you anytime.”

She rolled her eyes and sniffled. “Romantic.”

“Only for you.”

Something flickered behind her eyes and Steve’s soppy grin faded.

“What?”

She shook her head. “You deserve so much better than me, Steven.”

He reached up to cup her face in his hand.

“Peggy, I love you.”

She smiled sadly and turned away, reaching for the doorknob. “I love you, too.”

“Tell me what’s wrong.” he insisted as she opened the door a crack and peered out to check for passers-by.

“I can’t--” she started, her tone apologetic, “I—In light of the situation, I just wanted to--I’m afraid I haven’t been completely honest with you about my life before I joined in the effort.”

Steve frowned in confusion. “Peggy, wait.”

She held up a hand and he stopped. “I’m sorry, my darling, I have to get back.” she blinked back her tears and schooled her face. “We'll talk later, I promise. Head up, soldier. Give me a five count.”

And with that, she was out the door.

He counted to five and burst out after her, but she was nowhere to be seen.

“Shit!” he swore, kicking the door shut and leaving a boot-shaped dent in the metal.

“Rogers!”

Steve spun around and jumped to attention as a superior officer approached.

“Has the supply room door done something to offend you?”

“No, sir. Sorry, sir.”

“See that it doesn’t happen again.”

“Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.”

He stayed at attention until he could no longer hear footsteps and frantically began his search for Peggy.

xxx

Steve caught a glimpse of her in Colonel Phillips tent after an hour of fruitless searching. He noted with relief that neither of them seemed to be particularly distressed. In fact, Phillips was handing her a letter and Peggy was smiling brightly.

He sighed and turned on his heels to get back to his duties, a certain dark-haired beauty on his mind.

As he reported to the kitchens for his food prep shift, he couldn’t help but wonder what Peggy had meant when she said she hadn’t been completely honest with him about herself.

When it came right down to it, all he knew about her really was that she grew up in London and studied in the finest schools, always outshining her classmates. She’d never really talked about anything else. Maybe that was what she meant. The anything else. 

“Rogers, you’re relief is here. Phillips wants to see you.” a woman in an apron relayed in monotone.

He thanked her and handed his peeler over to a young recruit.

On his way back to see Phillips, Steve passed by Peggy’s room, surprised to see the door ajar. He could hear muffled crying coming from within and decided a short detour to check on her wouldn’t be remiss.

“Peg?” he said softly, knocking on the half-open door, “Can I come in?”

She sniffled and he heard her shuffling around a bit before she came into view.

His heart broke at her bloodshot eyes. “You’ve been crying. What’s wrong?”

Peggy shook her head, obviously fighting back more tears. “I can’t talk now, darling. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

His shoulders drooped, but he nodded respectfully. “If you need anything.” he reminded her as she began shutting the door.

“Goodnight, Steve.”

He stood frozen outside her door for a few seconds, unsure of what had just happened.

“Rogers!” a gravely voice barked behind him. Steve spun around to face Phillips and saluted him at attention.

“Colonel Phillips, sir. I was just on my way to see you.”

The older man stared him down and growled. “In my office.”

Steve obeyed quickly and soon he knew what had had Peggy so worried that afternoon.

“If we don’t get in there quickly and effectively and stop their advance, London will fall.” Phillips explained gravely, “We’re getting the message out, but we still may not make it in time. We may be forced to evacuate the city.”

“Evacuate? But, sir--”

“It’s not an option we take lightly, Rogers, but if needs must.”

Steve ran a hand over his face.

“What can I do, sir?”

Phillips looked him up and down, seemingly taking in every detail as he thought.

“You and Agent Carter are very good at sneaking around.”

Steve went beat-red and began stuttering out objections.

“No, no--I’ve known Peggy Carter a long time. She knows her stuff, and you know when to follow her lead. How long has this been going on?”

Steve swallowed and guiltily ran both hands through his hair. “I guess soon after Schmidt, sir.” he admitted shyly, “Though I’ve loved her for much longer--I mean--”

He stopped, flustered for having admitted his love in front of Phillips.

“What do you know about love?” Phillips spat, amused at how easily Steve got worked up.

The younger man clenched his fists at the implication. “Maybe I don’t know a lot of things, sir, but I know that she is the woman I’m going to marry, if she’ll have me. She is the most kind and gentle human being, but she isn’t afraid to stand up for herself or get her hands dirty. She is selfless and beautiful and deserves nothing but the best and I swore to myself a long time ago that I would do everything in my power to ensure her happiness, even if I’m not her endgame. Peggy Carter will always come first.”

“You’re dismissed, Rogers.” the man said abruptly, “Report here tomorrow morning first thing.”

Steve stood, slightly shocked, but didn’t leave. “Sir, I couldn’t help but see you delivering a piece of mail to Agent Carter earlier today.” he began, “Is everything alright?”

Phillips looked at him incredulously. “Mail? What's it to you?”

“Well, sir, if I may say so, Peggy is not usually one to show her emotions much. I just wondered if she’d gotten some bad news from home since she's been crying.”

The colonel stood quickly and ushered him out, his expression odd. “She's probably just homesick. I’m sure she will be right as rain tomorrow. Probably best to leave her to it tonight. I’ll send for you in the morning.”

Steve saluted him and obeyed reluctantly, pulling out the note Peggy had sent him that afternoon to apologize for missing lunch and scribbling a note of his own quickly on the back.

He glanced around as he approached Peggy’s door and, seeing the coast was clear, slid the note beneath it.

xxx

Peggy re-read Steve’s note over and over as she sat curled up on her cot.

_Peg,_

_Phillips knows about our sneaking around and has ordered me to the barracks for the night, but I wanted you to know my thoughts are all of you. My heart will be yours forever, no matter what. I hope all is well and I love you._

_Your Steve_

She smiled sadly and tucked the note into her boot on the floor. She really needed to apologize for worrying him.

A knock on the door roused her to her feet and she poked her head out to see Colonel Phillips standing outside.

“Peggy, could I have a moment?” he asked informally.

She smiled and nodded, opening the door further. “Of course, Chester. What is it?”

Phillips grinned mischievously and handed her a small recording device. Listen to that.”

Peggy took it and fixed him with an expectant stare.

He winked and turned on his heel. “You’ll like it, I swear.” he called back as he rounded the corner.

She shook her head and shut the door, returning to her cot and pressing play.

“ _You and Agent Carter are very good at sneaking around.”_

Peggy snorted as Steve struggled to recover.

“ _No, no--I’ve known Peggy Carter for a long time. She knows her stuff, and you know when to follow her lead. How long has this been going on?”_

“ _I guess soon after Schmidt, sir. Though I’ve loved her for much longer--I mean--”_

Warmth flooded her cheeks and she couldn’t help the soppy grin that came with it.

“ _What do you know about love?”_

She was surprised at Steve’s intensity as he began his answer.

“ _Maybe I don’t know a lot of things, sir, but I know that she is the woman I’m going to marry, if she’ll have me. She is the most kind and gentle human being, but she isn’t afraid to stand up for herself or get her hands dirty. She is selfless and beautiful and deserves nothing but the best and I swore to myself a long time ago that I would do everything in my power to ensure her happiness, even if I’m not her endgame. Peggy Carter will always come first.”_

The recorder clicked off and she quickly rewound it, sure she had heard wrong.

“ _I know that she is the woman I’m going to marry, if she’ll have me.”_

Her heart skipped a beat and she continued to listen to his voice.

“ _She is selfless and beautiful and deserves nothing but the best and I swore to myself a long time ago that I would do everything in my power to ensure her happiness, even if I’m not her endgame. Peggy will always come first.”_

Tears pricked at her eyes and she held the recorder to her chest.

“Sod it all.” she huffed as a tear slid down her cheek.

With a firm resolve to get him alone as soon as she was able, she blew out her lamp and settled in for the night.

xxx

Peggy found herself in Colonel Phillips office well before dawn.

“I’m sending you out into the field.”

He was in a strange mood this morning, half informal, half her superior.

“I’m sorry?” she asked, unsure if she had heard correctly. She'd been kept close to his side for weeks, not even allowed out of the bunker for more than a minute.

Phillips crossed to his door and called out for his secretary. “Send in Rogers.”

Steve appeared in the doorway a moment later.

“You two have exactly thirty seconds for which my back will be turned.” Phillips barked, back in his commander routine.

Steve still looked confused, but as soon as the colonel's back was turned, Peggy was on her feet and in his arms, her lips crashing into his.

He kissed her back eagerly until she pulled away and began frantically wiping the lipstick from his mouth with her sleeve.

“Good morning, my darling,” she said quietly.

He grinned and leaned down to kiss her neck and shoulder, mumbling a good morning in reply.

Peggy snorted and slapped at his arm, counting down from five with one hand and signaling him to sit.

Her last finger disappeared and Phillips was back to business.

“Carter, I have a mission for you. A very important package needs delivered and I wouldn’t trust anyone but you with the job.”

Peggy nodded, her chest fluttering with excitement.

“Rogers, Carter is the best agent we have. There is no one I would trust her safety to more than you.”

Steve felt ill with gratitude. “Thank you, sir.”

“You two will be under cover for this mission. Don’t draw attention to yourselves under  _any_ circumstances. Do I make myself clear?”

They both nodded and Phillips slid open the drawer in his desk and handed a small box to Peggy.

“The location is there. You’ll leave immediately.”

Steve watched her glance down to read it. The color drained from her face and her head snapped up to look at Phillips, eyes wide.

“No arguments, Carter.”

Steve looked back and forth between the two of them and reached for the box.

Peggy’s grip was almost nonexistent and he turned it over to read the location.

_1305 Beekman Drive_

“Colonel--” Peggy tried.

Phillips held up a hand to silence her and stood.

“I expect a week is sufficient time for delivery and return. Don’t be late. Dismissed.”

 

\---


	2. Chapter 2

“ What is 1305 Beekman Drive?” Steve asked two rather frantic hours later as they boarded a bus, new identities in hand.

Peggy chose their seats carefully, keeping their line of sight uninhibited.

“ It’s a lovely white house down by Hyde Park.” she said quietly in reply.

“ Then are we meeting someone?”

Peggy looked down at her hands in her lap and nodded without speaking.

Steve stayed quiet after that, unsure if she was upset with him.

“ Wait, isn’t this Hyde Park?” he asked as the bus pulled to a stop.

She nodded again and pulled him to his feet, interlocking their fingers as they stepped out onto the sidewalk with a few other stragglers.

“ It’s right up the street.” she said anxiously, pulling him to the right, “No more than a five minute walk.”

They walked for two before Steve spoke again. “Why did the Colonel say it would take us a week? We could be back by this evening.”

Peggy didn’t answer for a moment.

“I-- ” she choked, “Steve, please forgive me for this. I’m so very sorry not to have prepared you, my love.”

Steve frowned, but before he could reply, Peggy pulled them both to a stop in front of a lovely iron gate. The house loomed before them, not quite cheerily, but lively enough to be welcoming. Peggy opened the gate carefully and led the way to the front door.

She froze for a moment with her free hand hanging midair. He glanced over and gave her other hand an encouraging squeeze at the first sign of tears in her eyes. Something about this place was special to her and hell if he wasn't going to stand by her side when she needed him. His questions could wait.

The knock echoed and for a long moment Steve worried no one was home.

Just as he was about to suggest knocking again, the door opened a crack and an older woman peered out.

“ God Almighty!” she cried, startling him. The door slammed and they heard the door chain jangle free before it opened once more and Peggy dropped his hand, flying into the woman's arms.

“ Margaret! Oh, my sweet child,” the woman wept.

“ Mum,” Peggy sniffled, hugging tighter than ever.

Steve stood in awe in the doorway. This was the woman who had raised his Peggy. She was an inch or two shorter than her daughter with wispy auburn curls and a kind face. He could tell already she was every bit as wonderful as her daughter.

“ Oh, darling,” she said again as she held Peggy at arm’s length to inspect her for damage, “They don’t feed you enough.”

Peggy rolled her eyes and laughed, opening her mouth to reply when suddenly another voice called out.

“Mummy?!”

Peggy whirled and dropped to her knees to catch a little girl about five years of age in her arms.

“ Alice, my darling.” she breathed, tears streaming down her cheeks.

“Billy and Isaac said you were never coming back.” the little girl sobbed into her shoulder.

Peggy pulled back and shushed her gently as she smoothed her soft brown hair out of her face.

“ Oh, sweet girl,” she soothed, “I will  _ always  _ come back.”

Steve stood stalk still in wonder, not wanting to disturb or intrude on such a precious moment. It was Peggy’s mother who pulled him inside and brought Peggy back to the present.

“ Mum, Alice, this is Captain Rogers.” she introduced, fixing Steve with an apologetic look.

Alice looked up at him shyly over Peggy's shoulder and waved and Amanda embraced Steve cheerfully and began pulling him toward the kitchen, chatting all the way.

“ I tell those men down at donations to feed you all more every week and they never listen. I’ll have to tend to the two of you myself.”

Peggy stood to follow but Alice whimpered and clung to her skirts.

“Alright, up you go.” Peggy whispered as she lifted the girl into her arms and carried her.

Steve was quiet, but kind and offered to help prepare lunch while Peggy's arms were otherwise occupied. Soon, the four of them were gathered around the table with a right feast laying out in front of them.

“Al, would you like to bless our food?” Amanda asked.

Alice nodded and clung tighter to Peggy's neck.

“Dear Jesus, thank you for this food and for letting mummy come home. Bless Nana and Uncle Chester. Bless Papi in heaven. Amen.”

Peggy kissed the top of Alice's head. “You are getting good at that. Has Nana been practicing with you?”

Alice nodded excitedly and began picking at the food on Peggy's plate.

“So, Captain, how are things down in the bunkers?” Amanda asked conversationally.

Steve, who had been busy watching Peggy and Alice interact, cleared his throat and mentioned a few things, keeping the conversation light.

Peggy looked up at him gratefully and added an occasional comment, mostly focused on the little girl in her arms.

“I trust the Colonel has been taking care of you?” Amanda asked as the food disappeared.

Peggy choked on her sip of water and began coughing.

“Mum--” Peggy warned.

“What?” Amanda said defensively, “I'm not implying favoritism, but--”

Peggy rolled her eyes. “He takes care of all of us.”

Alice yawned and Peggy took the opportunity to announce she was going to lay Alice down for a nap.

The little girl objected loudly, tears welling in her big brown eyes.

“How about a story, then?” Peggy suggested brightly.

Alice grinned and nodded.

“Run up and fetch us one, love.” Amanda urged.

Alice hopped off Peggy's lap excitedly, then stopped. “Promise you'll still be here?” she asked her mother.

Steve's heart broke as Peggy struggled to keep a brave face. “I promise. Pick your favorite.” she said with the best smile she could muster.

Alice cheered and darted off.

Peggy stood immediately and announced she needed some fresh air.

“Care to join me, Captain?”

Steve excused himself from the table and followed her out while Amanda began clearing the dishes.

As soon as they entered the small sun room, a blessedly cool breeze engulfed them. Steve grabbed her hand and pulled her into a tight embrace, kissing her tenderly.

“I don't think I could ever love you more than I do right now.” he whispered.

She relaxed in his arms and shook her head. “I am so sorry, Steve. I should have told you a long time ago. It has always felt safer to keep her to myself and then--I wanted to tell you, I did--I just--"

Steve lifted her chin and smiled warmly. “She's beautiful, Peggy.”

Peggy nodded, tears welling. “She is.”

He kissed her forehead and pulled away. “Let me get you a glass of water.” he offered as she wiped at her tears. As he turned back toward the kitchen Alice dashed in, book in hand.

“I'm ready!” she shouted as she rammed into Peggy's legs.

He laughed and Amanda appeared in the doorway, a glass of water in hand, which she offered to Steve with a wink and a nod.

He took it and gave it to Peggy as she settled into a large, comfortable looking chair, Alice nestled into her chest.

Amanda sat on the sofa across from them and patted the cushion next to her.

“You're going to want to stay for this, son.”

Steve wasn't disappointed.

Peggy wove together a wonderful story full of magic and adventure, pausing at all the right moments and encouraging Alice to participate, the two of them lost in their own little world. She had a different voice for every character and laughed along with the little girl when the tickle monster made a surprise appearance. As the story drew to a close, Peggy gradually lowered her voice until it was just above a whisper and Alice's eyelids began to droop.

“And as the sun set over the countryside, Ella sat with her new friends and realized she was a very lucky girl after all. Very lucky indeed.” she finished, tucking the book under one leg and cradling a sleeping Alice in her arms.

Steve and Amanda stayed quiet, not wanting to break the spell.

Peggy ran her fingers gently through Alice's hair as she slept, gazing down at her little face, memorizing every detail.

“How long are you staying?” Amanda asked finally.

“A week.” she sighed.

Amanda's face brightened and Peggy smiled back.

“How long have you two been an item?”

Steve blushed furiously and Peggy laughed. “Mum,” she scolded.

“A mother knows. Besides, the Colonel would have sent you alone unless he approved of the company. He wouldn't put Alice in harms way, and God knows you are not one to trust easily, darling,” Amanda pointed out, “Now, Captain Rogers, tell me about yourself?”

Steve cleared his throat and sat forward. “Please, call me Steve.”

Amanda's face flashed recognition and it was Peggy's turn to flush.

“Ah, so this is Steve?”

He looked back and forth between the two women as they communicated silently until Amanda held up her hands in submission and stood.

“I'll make up the guest room for the two of you, shall I?”

“Thank you, ma'am, I'll be perfectly comfortable on the sofa.” Steve rushed, not wanting to put anyone in an awkward position, “I'm so used to sleeping on the ground I'm not sure I could sleep in a real bed.”

Peggy rolled her eyes, but allowed him to convince her mother he would be quite comfortable elsewhere, instead turning her attention back to Alice.

“You're really great at telling stories, Peg.” Steve commented after Amanda had finally given in and left the room to prepare for visitors.

She didn't look up, but he could see a smile climb her cheeks. “She loves books, always has.”

“I can see why.”

Peggy rolled her eyes at him, but couldn't bring herself to reply.

“Why do you think Phillips sent us?”

She hummed knowingly. “It's Alice's fifth birthday tomorrow.”

Peggy watched his eyebrows raise in surprise and anticipated his next question. “Chester is her godfather.” she explained, “He's been a friend since she was not quite a year old.”

She went quiet, painful memories tightening her chest.

“Peggy, you don't have to--” Steve tried, but Peggy stopped him.

“I want to. I need you to know.”

“Okay,” he agreed, “But you don't have to tell me right now.”

Tears blurred her vision and she looked away.

“I'm sorry.” he apologized quickly, getting to his feet and coming over to her side, careful not to disturb the sleeping child.

Peggy huffed and let go of Alice with one hand to cup his cheek against her palm. “It's nothing to apologize for, Steve. We'll talk later.”

Steve gave her a nod and got back to his feet. “Do you want help taking her upstairs?” he offered.

Peggy smiled gratefully and leaned down to whisper in Alice's ear as she handed her over.

“Al, sweetheart, Steve is going to carry you up to your bed.”

Alice mumbled something incoherent and curled into Steve's arms.

Peggy followed closely behind him, directing him up the stairs and to a small bedroom at the end of the hallway, decorated in purple and white with hand-drawn pictures hanging on every wall.

“She insists on keeping every single one, just in case.” she explained as she turned down the duvet, “She also has a rather impressive music box collection in my father's old study.”

Steve grinned and tucked Alice in, murmuring a quiet “sleep well” before Peggy grabbed his hand and pulled him back out into the hallway.

“I think she'll be quite fond of you, Captain.” she smirked, tucking herself into his side as they returned downstairs together.

“Really?” he asked hopefully.

“Of course.” Peggy assured him, “How can a little girl resist a superhero? And that's not even counting the fact that you're tall enough to reach the jar of sweets in the kitchen, which she  _will_  ask you to do. Never after six or right before a meal.”

Steve repeated the stipulations firmly and then asked, “What if--”

She pursed her lips and her hands went to her hips sternly.

He laughed outright. “Understood.”

She joined in the laughter and they returned to the comfort of the sun room, settling close together in the large chair Peggy had recently vacated.

Steve's arm rested automatically over her shoulders and she curled into his chest with a contented sight, fingering the buttons on his shirt.  


"Her father was killed in a bar fight when she was one." Peggy whispered after a few minutes of silence, "He was blind drunk most of the time."

Steve tightened his grip on her and waited for her to continue. 

"She was a pleasant surprise--for me, anyway. Richard was far from happy, but thankfully he wasn't ever sober enough to do anything about it. He talked a big game, but almost never got anything more than a few slaps in before he'd pass out."

Peggy paused again and began to absently pick at a loose thread on the cushion beneath them.

"By the time Alice was born, he was only around once or twice a month. He preferred the bar, and, from what I later learned, slept on park benches and in the streets. I assume it was because he was too pissed to make it home and not because he didn't enjoy my frightfully delightful company." she joked halfheartedly, "Chester moved to the UK after he got married. A conflict of interest, I suppose, but he was an upstanding police chief. As you can probably imagine, he and I saw a lot of each other. He's a good man. He looked out for us when things were rough--played mediator when he could. Even tossed Richie in jail for the night a few times to keep him from making it home."

Steve's eyes filled with tears and he kissed the top of her head, still saying nothing. 

"The last night I saw Richard alive, he came home more sober than I'd seen him in a long time. He was angry for no apparent reason. Wouldn't say what had made him so upset. He was shouting and breaking things--" she choked on the lump in her throat and paused before continuing, her voice thick, "Alice woke and began crying, of course, which only made him more angry. I tried to distract him with everything I could think of, get his attention on me instead of her, but he was hell bent on getting to the nursery. God, Steve I've never been more scared in my life--he wanted to kill her--"

She sniffled quietly and wiped away a tear.

"What did you do?" he whispered, hardly daring to breathe, the pain in his chest a bitter, twisting poker.

"He was much larger than me, and it had been a long time since I'd been in shape, but I went after him. I don't know how, but somehow I managed to push him down the stairs." she explained with a sad sighed, "He wasn't hurt."

"But?"

She didn't answer for a minute, chewing her bottom lip to keep her tears at bay.

"He was livid. A few bruises and a broken wrist later, I managed to disorient him enough to get to Alice and get out. I went to the colonel's house across the city because it was the only place I knew for certain we would be safe. Chester went out to see to the police report while his wife set my wrist and cleaned me up. The next morning he told me Richard was dead."

Steve pulled both arms up to inspect the damage was truly healed, pained worry creasing his brow as his eyes fell across a thin scar on her right wrist. He'd always wondered about that scar--the way she would wince if he brushed it as if the wound were still fresh.

Peggy pulled free and placed a hand on either side of his face, meeting his eyes for the first time since she'd started. "It was a long time ago, darling. I'm okay now."

Tears pricked at Steve's eyes and he kissed the mark gently before pulling her into his chest protectively.

"I've dropped rather a lot on you today, my love." she sighed guiltily, "I'm sorry about all of this."

He stopped her as she moved to pull away. "You've given me the most precious thing I've ever been given, Peg," he said seriously, "You've trusted me with your  _daughter._ She is perfect. I hope she likes me."

Peggy laughed through her tears. "She will."

He grinned and then sobered. "I'm honored to be trusted with her and with things from your past. I know it wasn't easy to share, and you didn't have to tell me at all, but I'm glad you did." His fingers lightly brushed a tear from her cheek and he kissed her. "I am never going to let anyone hurt you like that again." he swore.

Peggy gave him a half smile and curled back into his side. "It's strange. You know, I've never told anyone that story before." she whispered a few minutes later as they began to doze off, "Not even my mum knows everything that happened that night."

He tightened his grip on her. "Are you alright?"

She nodded. "I am now. Thank you, Steve."

"I love you."

XxX

The afternoon passed quickly and Peggy joined her mother in the kitchen to make a small cake for the following day's festivities. Steve started out trying to assist, but after dropping several things and nearly stepping on Peggy's toes twice, he was banned from their work space and exiled to a chair at the table.

Peggy rather enjoyed watching her mother and Steve laugh and joke together. He seemed to be enjoying himself immensely and it meant so much to have him with her.

He was just starting in on an old joke the commandos told far too often when a scream came from upstairs.

Peggy dropped the whisk she'd been using and rushed to the sink to wash quickly, eyeing her mother questioningly as Steve shot down the hallway without hesitation.

"She's been having nightmares again." Amanda admitted, concern creasing her brow.

Peggy's heart dropped into her stomach.

"For how long?"

Amanda hesitated and Peggy bolted out of the room, not bothering to dry her hands or wait for a definitive answer.

She skidded to a halt in the doorway. Steve was sitting on the edge of the bed with Alice curled into his chest, whispering softly into her ear as she cried.

He looked up and the look in his eyes told her all she needed to know. He was just as worried as she was.

A weight on her chest had been lifting inch by inch since their arrival, and now, seeing him clinging tightly to her little girl and trying desperately to comfort her, the weight shattered completely. He wasn't about to let go of either of them.

"Oh, darling, did you have a bad dream?" she asked once she had found her voice.

Alice reached out one arm for her and nodded, tears streaming down her sleep-reddened cheeks.

Peggy settled on the bed next to Steve and held her daughter's hand tightly.

"You're alright, sweetheart." she promised quietly.

Steve rubbed a large hand up and down Alice's back as she began to calm down.

"Thank you, darling."

He smiled down at her and she kissed his cheek.

"Mummy, where's Baxter?" Alice asked, sitting up suddenly.

Peggy glanced around and hummed. "What do you say we go on a hunt for him, hmm?"

She nodded and slid off Steve's lap, not even thinking twice before slipping her little hand in his and pulling them both to their feet.

"Where shall we start?" Peggy asked, voice turning playful in hopes of raising Alice's spirits further.

"The den!" she replied, dragging them both behind her.

Steve laughed along with Peggy as they struggled to fit through the doorway together.

"Who is Baxter?" he whispered as they reached the den and Alice dropped both their hands to search the area.

"Her stuffed bear." she whispered back as Alice jumped back to her feet and crossed her arms, a puzzled frown on her face.

"He's not here." she huffed.

"That silly little bear," Peggy offered, "Maybe he's hiding down in the toy room, love. Why don't you run and check there?"

Alice's face brightened and she raced off, calling behind her for them to follow.

"I suspect Baxter has had a washing."

Steve grinned. "I'll distract her."

Peggy laughed and shoved him out the door. "Give me five minutes."

xxx

The sound Alice's pure joy echoed throughout the entire house when she and Steve finally found Baxter safely tucked into her very own bed after a long search all over the house--including very silly places like under Nana's hairbrush and behind Mummy's ears.

"What a silly bear." Peggy laughed as Alice danced around with her treasure.

Steve sat next to her on the sofa and put an arm around her.

"What do you stay to Steve, Al?" Amanda asked meaningfully.

Alice stopped dancing and raced over to happily throw her arms around his neck.

"Thank you, Steve!"

Peggy smiled, warmth filling her heart as Alice whispered something in Steve's ear. 

His face changed suddenly, his smile faltering at whatever she had said.

Alice skipped off cheerfully, oblivious to the change in atmosphere.

"Excuse me, I'm just going to use the facilities." Steve said, standing quickly.

Peggy looked from him to her mother and back as he rushed from the room. 

"What was that?"

Amanda shrugged, just as confused.

Peggy sighed and stood to follow him.

"Steve?" she called as she reached the bathroom door.

"In a minute." he called back.

She frowned. He sounded upset.

"I'm coming in." she announced as she turned the knob and pushed the door open.

Steve frantically began wiping away tears from his place on the floor.

"Peg--" he huffed, voice think with emotion.

"What did she say?" she asked, ignoring his protesting and sinking to the floor next to him, her arms snaking around his waist.

He swallowed and shook his head. "It wasn't Alice. I just--"

Peggy sighed and rested her head against his shoulder.

They sat quietly for another minute before he confessed.

"I always thought I'd never live long enough to have a family of my own."

"Steve," she whispered, her tone telling him she would gladly listen, but didn't expect him to explain himself.

"I've always had these roadblocks--my poor health and size especially. Then I met you and somehow I  _knew_  you would be important to me. I fell so hard so quickly for you, Peg--I never thought I'd actually be able to make you happy. I was small and my asthma was terrible--but then the serum gave me this body and a chance to do something real and you--You took a chance on me and I will always behonored to be by your side."

Peggy sniffled and wiped a tear from her chin.

"Alice is a special girl. Sweet."

She nodded and reached for his hand.

"She called me daddy," he choked, shifting nervously, "I know I'm not really, but I'd like to be--if--if it's okay with you."

Peggy's tears were flowing freely as she nodded again. "There isn't another soul alive or dead who would be better suited for the job."

Steve let out a relieved sigh and kissed her, pouring every ounce of love and gratitude into it.

"Will you marry me?" he asked as he pulled away.

Peggy rolled her eyes. "I should think that would be an obvious answer, darling."

He laughed and she kissed his cheek.

"If we hurry we can catch the pastor down the street before he locks up."

Steve began stammering in surprise and Peggy rested a hand on his arm.

"I refuse to spend another night alone because of your honorable image." she huffed, "You're too shy to admit to my mother that we've been sleeping together for weeks, so either make an honest woman of me or I shall be forced to share the sofa with you. Out in the open. In my mother's house. With our daughter on the premises." 

Steve gaped at her, horrified. "You wouldn't."

She glared at him and he shot to his feet, pulling her up behind him.

"You sure you'll have me?" he asked nervously.

She laughed and pulled him into the hallway.

"Al?"

"Yes, mummy?" Alice said, coming around the corner with Baxter firmly in her grip.

"Would you like Steve to be your daddy?"

Alice's face lit up. "Really?! And he would always be with us?"

Peggy looked up at Steve.

"Of course I would be, silly!" he laughed, "I love you both very much."

The little girl cheered and began calling for her grandmother to come quickly.

"Put your shoes on, young lady." Peggy called after her.

"We're going on an outing, are we?" Amanda asked as they returned to the sitting room to find Alice trying to teach Baxter how to tie her shoelaces.

Peggy made a noncommittal noise and shrugged.

"We thought we might have a wedding instead."

 

XxX

 

"Mummy! Daddy!"

Peggy shot awake, immediately fumbling around in the dark for the lamp switch.

Steve stumbled out of bed and toward the door, banging his elbow on the wall as he went.

They found Alice crying and sleepy-eyed, her hair ratted from tossing during her nightmare.

"Come here, love." Peggy urged sleepily as she sat on the edge of the bed, "Mummy will hold you."

Alice hiccuped and cried harder, crawling toward her and into her lap.

Steve settled on the floor next to them and rested a large hand on Peggy's knee.

"What did you dream tonight, baby?" she whispered, her voice calm and soothing.

Alice sniffled again. "The bad man came to get me." she cried, "I couldn't find you anywhere."

Steve's grip on Peggy's knee tightened and she shook her head.

"Later."

He relaxed and stood.

"Why don't you come sleep in our bed with us tonight, huh?" he offered, holding his arms out to lift the little girl into his arms, "Mummy and I will be right there all night long."

Alice nodded and settled with her arms tight around his neck.

Peggy smiled gratefully with tired eyes and soon the three were settled together under the blankets.

Alice fell asleep almost immediately, Peggy and Steve on either side of her, watching.

"She has nightmares about the night her father died. I don't think she realizes who it is. She's created this monster out of something she shouldn't even remember." 

Steve reached across Alice to take Peggy's hand. "It's not your fault, Peg."

Peggy scoffed quietly, but didn't reply, resolving instead to smooth back Alice's hair as she slept.

"You didn't do this." Steve insisted again, "There is no possible way this is your fault."

She smiled sadly and settled back. "Shouldn't I be able to fix it?" she asked, "I'm her mum, Steve, and I'm not here for her when the sins of  _my_  past terrorize her dreams."

He sighed and settled back as well. "Sometimes there are things that can't be fixed, but you  _are_  here for her, Peg. You always have been."

He thought he heard a sniffle, but no reply came from the darkness.

"I love you." he tried, but quietly in case she had fallen asleep.

"I love you, too, Steve."

 

XxX

 

"Here's the last one, love," Amanda announced, handing Alice the small package the Colonel had given them to deliver, "It's from Uncle Chester."

Alice took one last bite of birthday cake before tearing it open excitedly.

"Mummy, look at it!" she shrieked, "It's so beautiful!"

Peggy had to admit the little music box Phillips had sent was beautiful. The design looked Austrian, with filigreed gold plating and several jewels decorating the lid.

"Go on," she urged, "Let's have a listen."

The melody was sweet and every bit as beautiful as its container.

"I love it so much!" Alice shrieked as she snatched up the music box and hugged it tightly.

"Why don't you and daddy go upstairs and add it to the others."

Steve saluted her and scooped Alice under one arm.

Alice giggled in delight and demanded he march the whole way.

Peggy and her mother laughed as he obeyed and began to clear away the dishes.

"He makes you happy. Both of you."

Peggy smiled and set a stack of plates into the sink.

"He's wonderful." she said, fingering the gold band on her left ring finger. 

"He is. I'm glad you found him, darling."

The phone began ringing and Peggy offered to answer it, ducking out of the kitchen and hurrying down the hall to the small library.

"Hello?"

"Peggy? Get out--get out now!"

"Chester?"

Gunshots and shouting drowned him out, but she got the message loud and clear.

The Germans had broken through the ranks. They were in the city. 

The telephone receiver hit the ground as she raced toward the stairs.

"Steve!" She shouted, "They're in the city. We have to--"

An explosion shook the house and sent her flying into the wall. 

Smoke billowed from the back of the house as Peggy struggled to her feet, disoriented and ears ringing.

All at once, her brain caught up with reality. 

"Alice!" she screamed, "Alice--Steve!"

She reached the bottom of the staircase and her heart sank. There were no stairs left, only rubble. 

"Mummy?!"

"We're alright."

Her attention turned to the origin of the explosion.

Her breath caught, heart stopping momentarily as she saw the gaping hole that had been the kitchen and sun room.

"Mum?!" she cried, rushing into the rubble without a thought for her own safety, "Mum, where are you?"

She searched the area frantically, crying out for her all the while.

"Peg," Steve called, "I can see them coming. We have to get out of here. Come help Alice down and I'll get our things."

Peggy ignored him and continued her digging, tears streaming down her face. 

"Mum--" she shook with sobs as her hand wrapped around her mother's arm.

"Oh, God, mum--mum please--" she begged as she pushed debris away, "mummy, oh God please no--"

She wasn't breathing.

Peggy ignored the blood on her hands and began chest compressions.

"Don't you dare leave me," she mumbled, "Don't you dare."

She finished another round of compressions and listened for a breath, a heartbeat--anything.

Nothing.

"Peg!"

She sobbed and kissed her mother's forehead as she stood and turned back toward Steve's voice, heart shattered.

"Mummy?" Alice cried, obviously scared.

Peggy cleared her throat and wiped the blood on her hands onto her pants before she came into her daughter's view. She would be strong. She had to be.

"Al, sweetheart, jump down to me." she instructed, holding out her arms.

Concern creased Steve's brow as he kissed the top of Alice's head and nodded. 

"Mummy will catch you. I'll be right behind you."

Alice nodded, bottom lip quivering as she turned to face the drop before her. 

"Don't be scared, my darling," Peggy soothed, "keep your eyes right on me."

Tears welled up in the little girl's eyes, but her face was determined. Before she could change her mind, she jumped.

Peggy's arms wrapped around her and she sank to the ground, holding Alice at arms length to inspect her for damage.

Finding nothing more than a couple little scrapes, she picked Alice up and headed for the front of the house.

"Shoes, Alice, quickly. Don't dautle."

Alice obeyed and Peggy put her own shoes on. 

"Baxter!"

Peggy shushed her gently and finished tying her daughter's laces. 

"Daddy will try to find him."

"Mummy, where's Nana?"

Peggy swallowed against the lump in her throat.

"Nana's gone to live with Papi, love."

Alice's face fell. "Nana went to heaven?"

Peggy forced a small smile. "Come along, sweetheart. We aren't safe here. We're going to find Uncle Chester."

Alice nodded, but remained quiet.

"Steve?" she called as loud as she dared.

"On my way down. Wait for me outside. I don't know how stable this place is."

Peggy hoisted Alice up on her back and ducked out into the open, staying watchful for the enemy troops as she went.

They found a hiding place in the bushes and Peggy let out a short whistle to signal him.

"Al, you must be very brave, okay?" she whispered. 

Alice nodded and stuck out her chin in determination.

"It's a long walk to the bunker and we have to be very quiet. There are bad men out who are very dangerous."

Alice nodded again and wrapped her arms tightly around Peggy's neck.

Steve joined them a moment later and instantly grabbed her hand.

"We have to get back to the bunker."

Peggy nodded.

"Where's--"

She shook her head frantically and her eyes shifted from him to Alice.

"Oh, God, Peggy--I'm so sorry."

She waved him off as tears began welling up again.

"There's no time for that, Steven. We have to stay ahead of them." she insisted.

He nodded and lifted Alice into his arms.

"Ready, peanut?"

Alice nodded, still frightened, but determined to be brave like her mum said.

Peggy led, gun at the ready, as they made their way from house to house, keeping to whatever cover they could find. They had nearly reached the end of the street when she realized what was making her so uneasy.

"Steve," she whispered, slowing to a stop behind someone's garden shed, "Where is everyone?"

He frowned as he realized what she was getting at. "They're gassing the houses."

"Shit."

Steve ran a hand over his face. "They're in front of us, too."

 

xXx


	3. Chapter 3

"What's the plan?"

Steve considered carefully for a moment. "Base is a half mile or so from the other end of Hyde Park?"

She nodded. "It's the fastest way, but if there are places for us to hide, they've got the same cover."

"They're not expecting us to be alive. We could probably make it."

"Is 'probably' good enough?" she asked, searching his eyes for his confidence level.

Steve looked around and nodded. "If we had to go around, they'd catch up to us from behind. It's our best shot. She'll be safe with us."

Peggy nodded her agreement and held her arms out. "I'll take her, you lead."

Alice gladly wrapped her arms and legs around Peggy and they began moving again, this time faster. Steve held up a hand as they approached the open street and she slowed to a stop, carefully pressing her back against his to keep an eye on their rear.

She strained to hear any noise that might give the enemy away, but all she heard was silence until Steve gave her two quiet clicks to let her know he was going across the street first.

There.

She reached back for his arm quickly, never taking her eyes off the gun barrel that was peaking over a fence three houses behind them.

In one fluid movement she pushed Alice into his arms and shoved him forward.

"Run." she whispered harshly.

He obeyed, shielding Alibe as he went, Peggy on his heels, adrenaline pumping.

White hot pain seared through her right side and she felt herself falling forward.

"Mummy!"

She stumbled and scraped her knee on the pavement, but made it back to her feet, her hand pressed firmly against the wound in her side.

"Keep going." she gasped as she slowed to a stop under the cover of the treeline.

"I'm not going to leave you." he protested, but Peggy shook her head, leaning against a tree and gritting her teeth against the pain.

"You keep her safe, no matter the cost, do you understand?"

Steve swallowed and nodded. "Don't think I'm not coming back for you." he insisted, "I'm coming back."

Peggy let out a pained laugh and swayed. Her right arm shot out on instinct to catch herself.

"Mummy." Alice wept, fighting against Steve's grip.

Peggy pulled out her handkerchief and packed it into the hole her side, wincing all the more, but refusing to cry.

"Go with daddy and find Uncle Chester, okay? I'm right behind you." she promised, head already feeling light.

Alice nodded and clung to Steve's neck.

"Be careful, my love." she said firmly to Steve.

He nodded. "You too."

He set off at a run, glancing back only once to see Peggy sink to the ground behind a bush to tend to her wound as best as she could.

He could hear the enemy hot on his trail and sped up.

"I'm scared."

His heart broke as he tightened his embrace.

"Don't worry, Al," he whispered, hoping he sounded more confident than he felt, "she's going to make it."

"Cap?"

Steve's head snapped up and he saw Dugan standing guard at the door to their base.

"Peggy's down--Where's the Colonel?" he rushed, barely slowing his pace as he ducked inside, Dugan struggling to keep up.

"Where is she?"

"The Colonel, Dugan." Steve demanded.

"Conference room two."

Steve nodded gratefully and ducked away. "Get the team together. Now."

Dugan saluted him and turned back toward the doors as Steve broke into a run again, Alice still crying quietly in his arms.

"Just around the next corner, love, okay?" he comforted.

Alice was at full attention when they entered the chaotic conference room, looking around frantically for her godfather.

"Uncle Chester!" she cried as she spotted him leaning over an enormous map of the area.

The room froze.

"Alice?"

She squirmed out of Steve's arms and ran through the forest of men to leap into his arms.

"Mummy got shot." she sobbed into his shoulder.

"Rogers?" he barked questioningly.

"Sir, if you would take her--The commandos are suiting up. Let me bring her in." he pleaded.

Phillips nodded. "Be careful out there. I've got this one. Davies--Get all medical staff in here."

Steve bolted from the room and back the way he had come, bursting through the doors to find his team waiting, guns ready.

XxX

Peggy couldn't feel her legs. She had managed to pack her wound with strips of cloth torn from her clothing, but they had soaked through almost immediately and she barely had enough strength to keep her eyes open, let alone repack them.

The enemy troops had passed and gone long ago, their eyes skipping right over her hiding place without a second glance. A bead of sweat dripped down her forehead and she grit her teeth against the pain.

She shifted slightly, trying to relieve the pressure on her shoulder, the familiar ache from similar wounds long ago plaguing her mind.

She wouldn't have long now.

Peggy Carter was a lot of things, but ignorant was not one of them. She'd lost too much blood. Her body wasn't regulating her temperature any longer. Her hands shook with tremors.

A tear slid down her cheek and she gave in, leaning her head back on the tree behind her and shutting her eyes.

She had to stay awake.

She couldn't.

She had to.

She couldn't.

"Carter?! Peg, where are you?"

Her eyes cracked open a fraction and she saw three Dugans.

"Dum-dum?" she forced, her voice raspy, "Who invited you, you big lunk."

He spotted her and rushed to her side, swearing under his breath.

"I've got her!" he shouted behind him.

Peggy coughed and groaned as he tore more fabric from his own shirt and pressed it on top of the blood-soaked ones already there.

"God, Peg, you just had to go and get yourself shot. Always giving us so much trouble."

"Where's Alice?" she asked, fading in and out.

"Who?"

Steve joined them, followed by the rest of the team.

"Steve?" she asked.

"She's safe." he promised grabbing her icy hand, "I promised her you'd be alright. Don't make me a liar."

Peggy snorted despite her discomfort. "You shouldn't have come back, Steve. If we both--"

Steve rolled his eyes and lifted her into his arms. "Shut up."

She smiled weakly and her vision began to fade.

"Stay with us, Carter."

XxX

Alice's little hand clung tightly to his as the rain dripped off the canvas covering the few still gathered around the fresh grave. It had been a touching service. The rain had waited until most of those who came to pay their respects had wandered away and gone back to their lives.

For the four people who remained, going back to their lives was going to be harder than it sounded.

"She was a marvel."

Steve hummed in agreement. 

"She would have rolled her eyes at you for saying it, Chester."

Steve snorted and kissed the woman leaning on his arm.

"Mummy, I'm hungry."

Peggy sighed and nodded toward Phillips.

"I bet if you ask nice enough uncle Chester can find you something when we get back to base."

Alice cheered and dropped Steve's hand in favor of being boosted atop the colonel's shoulders.

"How's the pain level?" he whispered. 

Peggy shrugged. "I think my heart is what hurts most of all in this moment."

He wrapped his arms around her, mindful of her bandages.

"I'm glad I got to meet her."

They fell silent again, Peggy gradually leaning more and more on his arm as her recovering body grew weary. 

"Mummy! Daddy! Come on!"

Peggy waved at her little girl and sighed. "Are we doing the right thing by bringing her to live in the bunker? She's just a child."

"What other choice do we have? And besides--she'll have loads of people protecting her. The commandos especially."

Peggy laughed and pulled him until he started walking with her. "I think she has far too many uncles now."

"She's going to have the entire division wrapped around her finger in less than a week." he snorted. 

Peggy smiled and leaned her head on his shoulder, her spirit light. "I guess we've got quite the adventure ahead of us, don't we, Captain?"

Steve grinned. "Yes, ma'am. But if I may speak freely--I'm glad it's an adventure with you."

 

END. 


End file.
